Dear blog and followers of this blog,
I am sorry I have neglected you. I will work on posting what has been going on since we last sat down together...
Inauguration Weekend...
13 years ago
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
There are times that we are honest with ourselves and others for the pure purpose of being honest about our feelings. There are other times when we are honest because we are angry and want the honesty to hurt others. Control comes up in my life over and over again. However, you cannot control your life; you can only live your life. You can live your life any way you want in that you can choose your feelings about what is going on around you and who you surround yourself with. It is hard to give up control and live life to the fullest but life is good whether you are happy or not. Sometimes I know I get consumed with the pursuit of happiness and miss the fact that happiness is being surrounded by people who love and care about you. You cannot choose how people love you but you can choose to feel the love they give. Take time to feel the love. “Right now is a wonderful time in your life if you choose to see it that way”—is anything a mistake or are they just lessons? Life is a sum total of lessons and experiences that make us who we are. Life is a learning process-some lessons are more painful than others but that is just the way it is. All good experiences would not make us who we are today.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Making Valentines
Alright! Here goes our attempt at making homemade valentines for our favorite people! Documented with pictures...
Lyla is ready to go! We cut some hearts out...She was a BIG help!
Okay, I'm ready to put it all together! I'll arrange the hearts like I want them...Mommy had to glue them because I kept trying to eat the glue and tore a heart in the process. Daddy will understand.
Lauryn's valentine for her dad: Valentine's day is his birthday too...
Lyla is ready to go! We cut some hearts out...She was a BIG help!
Okay, I'm ready to put it all together! I'll arrange the hearts like I want them...Mommy had to glue them because I kept trying to eat the glue and tore a heart in the process. Daddy will understand.
Lauryn's valentine for her dad: Valentine's day is his birthday too...
Lyla V
Caught red-handed!
I missed her reading her book and turning the pages but here is an updated photo of her :) Notice the lovely bruise on her forehead from running into the table last week...
I missed her reading her book and turning the pages but here is an updated photo of her :) Notice the lovely bruise on her forehead from running into the table last week...
A Father's Love
When I was pregnant with Lyla, I worried that I could not love each of the girls equally and as much as I loved Lauryn. For 13 years, I did everything with Lauryn. Most of the time, it was just her and her mommy. I was at every sporting event and school function. I remember every scar, sickness, and crazy thing that child did as she was growing up. I was her coach through most of softball and volleyball.I worried that I would lose the ability to do that and be there for Lyla and give her the opportunities Lauryn has/had been given.
How do you love your children equally, 100% of the time? I could probably be described as a type A personality. I feel like giving 100%, 100% of the time is the way I should do things. This is one of the anomalies I cannot figure out. And to throw in loving a man on top of loving two children. I mean how is that possible? Does that mean each person: Lauryn, Lyla, and him get 33.3% all the time? Does that mean sometimes one person gets 100% and the other two get nothing? How do you balance the love? The time? And how do you not feel guilty when you are giving 100% to just one of those people? I mean how do the Duggars do it? They have 19 children to love and we all know they are loving each other because they have the 19 children.
How do you balance? What is the correct solution or equation of a happy life, a happy relationship, and happy children? Does it exist? Or is it an ever changing equation depending on the day? Why wasn't that equation covered in Math? That is the problem I would love to have the solution to!
Next question, since I have always struggled with the above equation, I am raising or at least doing the majority of daily parenting alone. Some would argue that is not true because I have mom as a support. And believe you me, I appreciate that very much. But every night, I am the one who helps with the 8th grade homework (BTW they are still not addressing the math equation/problem I am looking for), who coaches volleyball, who schedules all trips, who schedules all orthodontist appts, doctor appts, dentist appts, etc. I am the one who stays up all night when the girls aren't feeling well. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being able to do all that and I feel like as their mom that is my job. I just wish someone (a partner, a man) wanted to share all that with me. Someone, who wanted to support ME (emotionally)and be involved with the girls...both girls. Someone who I can say, I'm tired and they say I'll take care of everything tonight. A man who can let me fall apart when I feel broken. That however is not the real question. The real question is: How do you involve people in the lives of your children without being involved with them? How do you not hold grudges? How do you heal and allow people to be involved with just you or just your child? Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who is not involved with your children--will that ever work? It hasn't so far...
I have spoke to so many people who are either divorced or not with the other parent involved in their child's life. Too many say they cannot be around the father/mother of their child because it's too hard or it hurts them. Others say that the father/mother will not let them see their child or the mother/father make it very difficult because of things that happened in their relationship. I can see how that happens but I do not see how you explain to a child why their mommy/daddy isn't around. I do not see how you can justify not being involved with you children. I am not an angel however i am not that far from being an angel either (kidding). I strive to involve the girls' fathers in their lives. I want them there for the girls but i struggle because they cannot be there daily because I am there. Me being there daily and for everything is something I do not want to change either.
I was very fortunate to grow up with both parents. My mother worked and attended sporting and school related activities. She was a good mom. She protected me and provided me with experiences and a life that she never had. I appreciate her hard work...NOW. I had a father who was very involved and did things that some people would view as the mother's job. He took me to school every day, packed my lunch, coached my sports, attended all events, etc. Dad worked for the school system. Therefore, he was home with me for the summers up until I started junior high. Dad opened the driving school in Indy and things slowly started to change. He was not available to be at 100% of all my events. 100% is what I had come to expect and know as love. When that changed, I changed. Since dad couldn't give 100%, mom stepped in and was there for everything dad couldn't be. It still was not my dad...my man. (The Electra complex at work I suppose)That is when finding a man to give 100% became a goal. Sad thing is, I am still trying to find a man to give 100% like what I knew when I was little. I sometimes wonder if dad's love set me up for failure in relationships...is that kind of love unrealistic to find in someone who is not your father?
I know how important the role of a father is in a little girl's life is....I know that role is still important when you think you are an adult. It is funny how with time our minds grow up yet our emotions stay child like.
How do you love your children equally, 100% of the time? I could probably be described as a type A personality. I feel like giving 100%, 100% of the time is the way I should do things. This is one of the anomalies I cannot figure out. And to throw in loving a man on top of loving two children. I mean how is that possible? Does that mean each person: Lauryn, Lyla, and him get 33.3% all the time? Does that mean sometimes one person gets 100% and the other two get nothing? How do you balance the love? The time? And how do you not feel guilty when you are giving 100% to just one of those people? I mean how do the Duggars do it? They have 19 children to love and we all know they are loving each other because they have the 19 children.
How do you balance? What is the correct solution or equation of a happy life, a happy relationship, and happy children? Does it exist? Or is it an ever changing equation depending on the day? Why wasn't that equation covered in Math? That is the problem I would love to have the solution to!
Next question, since I have always struggled with the above equation, I am raising or at least doing the majority of daily parenting alone. Some would argue that is not true because I have mom as a support. And believe you me, I appreciate that very much. But every night, I am the one who helps with the 8th grade homework (BTW they are still not addressing the math equation/problem I am looking for), who coaches volleyball, who schedules all trips, who schedules all orthodontist appts, doctor appts, dentist appts, etc. I am the one who stays up all night when the girls aren't feeling well. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being able to do all that and I feel like as their mom that is my job. I just wish someone (a partner, a man) wanted to share all that with me. Someone, who wanted to support ME (emotionally)and be involved with the girls...both girls. Someone who I can say, I'm tired and they say I'll take care of everything tonight. A man who can let me fall apart when I feel broken. That however is not the real question. The real question is: How do you involve people in the lives of your children without being involved with them? How do you not hold grudges? How do you heal and allow people to be involved with just you or just your child? Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who is not involved with your children--will that ever work? It hasn't so far...
I have spoke to so many people who are either divorced or not with the other parent involved in their child's life. Too many say they cannot be around the father/mother of their child because it's too hard or it hurts them. Others say that the father/mother will not let them see their child or the mother/father make it very difficult because of things that happened in their relationship. I can see how that happens but I do not see how you explain to a child why their mommy/daddy isn't around. I do not see how you can justify not being involved with you children. I am not an angel however i am not that far from being an angel either (kidding). I strive to involve the girls' fathers in their lives. I want them there for the girls but i struggle because they cannot be there daily because I am there. Me being there daily and for everything is something I do not want to change either.
I was very fortunate to grow up with both parents. My mother worked and attended sporting and school related activities. She was a good mom. She protected me and provided me with experiences and a life that she never had. I appreciate her hard work...NOW. I had a father who was very involved and did things that some people would view as the mother's job. He took me to school every day, packed my lunch, coached my sports, attended all events, etc. Dad worked for the school system. Therefore, he was home with me for the summers up until I started junior high. Dad opened the driving school in Indy and things slowly started to change. He was not available to be at 100% of all my events. 100% is what I had come to expect and know as love. When that changed, I changed. Since dad couldn't give 100%, mom stepped in and was there for everything dad couldn't be. It still was not my dad...my man. (The Electra complex at work I suppose)That is when finding a man to give 100% became a goal. Sad thing is, I am still trying to find a man to give 100% like what I knew when I was little. I sometimes wonder if dad's love set me up for failure in relationships...is that kind of love unrealistic to find in someone who is not your father?
I know how important the role of a father is in a little girl's life is....I know that role is still important when you think you are an adult. It is funny how with time our minds grow up yet our emotions stay child like.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The awesomeness of being someone's mommy!
There are a lot of choices or situations I have put myself in that looking back I might have done differently but having the girls is a decision I will never regret. Each daughter and each situation has taught me so much and made me appreciate things that otherwise I may have overlooked.
When Lauryn was Lyla's age so much was going in life: senior year of high school, dad getting cancer and passing away, starting college, etc. I feel like I did a good job as her mommy but now that I am older and have less other responsibilities I sometimes wonder if she got gypped. I wonder if I fully appreciated the awesomeness of being a mommy.
Yesterday when I came home, like most days, a little girl came up four stairs quickly and walked/ran to her mommy's legs. I am very diligent about washing my hands so before I picked her up I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and picked up the little bundle of excitement. It feels good to have someone love you so much that they cannot wait for you to hold them in your arms and love them back. Lors came following after Lyla to give me a hug. Yes, my teenager still loves hugs and kisses. As Lauryn tries to hug me, Lyla always pushes her out of the way...we laugh because Lyla like Lauryn is very protective of her mommy. LOVE IT!!!
When Lauryn was Lyla's age so much was going in life: senior year of high school, dad getting cancer and passing away, starting college, etc. I feel like I did a good job as her mommy but now that I am older and have less other responsibilities I sometimes wonder if she got gypped. I wonder if I fully appreciated the awesomeness of being a mommy.
Yesterday when I came home, like most days, a little girl came up four stairs quickly and walked/ran to her mommy's legs. I am very diligent about washing my hands so before I picked her up I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and picked up the little bundle of excitement. It feels good to have someone love you so much that they cannot wait for you to hold them in your arms and love them back. Lors came following after Lyla to give me a hug. Yes, my teenager still loves hugs and kisses. As Lauryn tries to hug me, Lyla always pushes her out of the way...we laugh because Lyla like Lauryn is very protective of her mommy. LOVE IT!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
