Enough about me and my feelings, this is about the girls right...

Let me start with Lauryn. Lauryn turned 13 in January. She is attending CRJHS, playing volleyball (with an awesome coach-just kidding) and doing well in school. She was invited this summer to go as a student ambassador to Australia but we decided she was still a little young to be going that far away-maybe next year. In March, for Spring Break, she is planning on going on vacation with her favorite "other" family, the Bennetts. We will see how she does with that adventure first. It will be the first time she has been away from any family. She may enjoy it ;).

Onto Lyla. Lyla turned 16 months old Saturday but if you adjust for her prematurity she is a little over a year old. She is walking, babbling and going up/down stairs. Last night after my FREEZING cold shower (water heater officially went out yesterday), where was Lyla? Sitting in the shower playing in the water left over...this is after she just had a bath (that was still warm water). Lyla is a girl after my own heart. Lauryn even said, "Mom, you finally got your wish and you have a daughter who loves to be clean just as much as you do!" Funny but true. Lyla loves bath time. If it is quiet in the house and Lyla is missing, 9 times out of 10 she is in the bathroom with her toothbrush. She is just very conscientious about her hygiene. That is besides her feet. For being as little as she is, the child could clear a room with either her feet or her bottom. She definitely did not get that from her momma. :)

Here are a couple things I have learned over the past year and/or last almost 30 years:

1) Love is not proud and it does not boast. Love does not run or hide but fear and anger make you want to! Love never fails you when you believe in it and accept it in your heart...Love protects and it always hopes. Love believes even when you don't...Love holds you in its arms and never fails but sometimes we let each other down...Love matters the most...

2) The moments that mean the most will stay with you, the good and the bad. Hold onto the good. Cherish them, know they brought you to where you are today. Forget the bad, usually fear, anger, and selfish pride are the reasons they occured and remembering and focusing on them only causes more pain.

3) The people who shared the above moments with you will also stay with you forever. I am fortunate to have girls I can talk to and be honest with how I am feeling. We have discussed how regardless of if you are happily married when you see someone who you had good memories with-you miss them or get emotional feelings when you see them again. Maybe that is "normal"...the debate is still up for discussion.

4)Children give you a reason to be better. They hold you accountable and look to you for guidance and direction on who to be. A mother's love and a father's love are different and both very much needed.

5) With that being said, losing a parent affects you, it changes you. It can make you scared to love, to be that close to someone because you never want to feel that way again. Rememeber Point 1: fear gets you NO where!

I will try to post more pictures of the girls this weekend...

So this week we officially made the one year milestone of bringing Lyla home from the NICU. It is crazy to me that we all made it through that pregnancy (well 26 weeks of it), the bed rest (4 weeks), that delivery (I cannot tell you how long that took), and the long stay in the NICU (4 months).

For those of you who may have had the pleasure of seeing miracles at work, you know that it was the most out of control time both physically and emotionally for me. In the past week, I have had the pleasure of sharing those feelings and I realized how therapeutic it was to finally get it out. You know, acknowledge and accept that I was scared, that I am not invincible and that I do not have to be in control of everything at all times. What a relief!

Even with a year under our belt and a healthy baby girl, the experience of it all has affected the very core of who I am. It still is a hard transition and although for the past year I feel like I have let go of SOME of the anger and guilt from the whole experience, I still have healing to do. (BTW: I am intelligent enough to know it was not my fault, yet with that being said, I still had consumable guilt and felt responsibility for Lyla being premature, for not giving Chris the experience of a pregnancy, delivery, healthy baby, and so on and so forth, for being away from Lauryn in the hospital, for needing mom to come home to care for Lyla while I worked, etc-I could go on but you understand). I agree that God only gives you as much as you can handle but at times I wish he had less confidence in my ability to carry it all. However, I'm blessed to have people I can unload some of the "load" on and a beautiful family/friends who support me.

Last thing to address for the day...

Why ppits.blogspot.com? (Lyla and Lauryn was not available)

Lyla's daddy calls her "Pumpkin Pie in The Sky" among others (Lyla Vic, Lil, Lilly Lillertons, Little Lil, Lil Lil, or wittle one). Lauryn likes to make fun of it and periodically teases him. But its just a thing...a thing that makes us...us.

It's like when I hear or say Lyla V...takes me back to the NICU. I can still hear Jen call her that when she was taking such good care of her.

Or kinda like how Lauryn's dad does "teddy bear" or "baby doll" or how somewhere along the past 13 years she became Lors (me), Lorna dune (Grandma Di), beaner (Grandpa Leo)-because she loved to dance (ballet) when she was little. She makes fun of it all but those special names and moments are cherished memories that make us smile and remember those special people.

A bright idea for 2010

Now that that is out of the way...Here is another bright idea for the year. I want to write a book for each of my girls. Same theme as this blog. The books will be titled "The Story of Lyla Victoria" and "The Story of Lauryn McKenzie". It seems like regardless of your age, you love hearing how you came to be. Lauryn even enjoys hearing silly stories my mom still tells about my childhood. Every time the stories are told, I swear I can visualize myself back in those situations and feel the feelings I had at the time. Who knows if I truly remember per say or if I have built an image based on a story told for almost 30 years. Regardless, that is what families are for. To share information, experience, love, and support.

According to Sigmund Freud, personality is mostly established by the age of five. He stated that early experiences play a large role in personality development and continue to influence behavior later in life. Sociology defines the family is an intimate domestic group made up of people related to one another by bonds of blood, sexual mating, or legal ties. Family has been a very resilient social unit that has survived and adapted through time. Yet, regardless of geography, there have been boisterous claims that families are in decline, and the so-called demise of the family is welcomed because it is viewed as an oppressive and bankrupt institution. So sad to see and hear...

The conjugal family refers to a family system of spouses and their dependent children. In such systems, because the social emphasis is placed primarily on the marital relationship, families are relatively independent of the wider kinship network. Consequently, divorce-rates tend to be high and therefore children unhappier. With all that said, it only makes sense to stay connected to your extended family.

I will keep you posted on how the books are coming...

The first one :)

Ah, the first post of a new adventure. I have wanted to start blogging for my family and friends to keep them updated on the girls and life itself. However, like a lot of things in the past year I have put it off and made excuses as to why I did not have time to complete one. Excuses are out the window now. If you want start sometime...Why not now?

In the age of busy and hectic life schedules, it is hard to get a phone call in or more greatly appreciated a face-to-face visit. This blog is not a substitute for either but merely a way to disseminate information to family and friends in all parts of the USA. As a mom, I feel it is my duty to keep the family informed about the going-ons in the lives of the girls and to ensure that my girls stay connected as much as possible to the family who made them possible. Here is a new attempt to do so...hope it helps :)